


Explanations Revealed

by laPamplemousse



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Age Difference, Comfort/Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Loss of Virginity, Spoilers, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-03-22 16:11:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3735235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laPamplemousse/pseuds/laPamplemousse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blackwall has something he needs to tell the Inquisitor, and it could change his life forever.</p><p>Spoilers about Revelations and Blackwall's romance.</p><p>What I imagine would happen if Blackwall came clean with the Inquisitor during "Explanations" at the Storm Coast, and the aftermath. </p><p>Featuring a younger, more innocent and emotional Inquisitor.</p><p>8/1/2015 I changed my Inquisitor's name from Dayanara to Chrysalis, since they are two separate quizzies and Chrysalis is the one who actually romanced Blackwall (I just liked Daya's name better but she has a different story going on!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He had tried taking the easy way out by pushing her away, but in the end that proved to be more difficult than he imagined.

She had said she understood as she smiled, all cheeks and lips, the way Josephine had taught her for greeting the courtiers. He knew better, though. Her deep violet eyes had betrayed her, the tears shimmering on the surface but never falling. She had turned away from him but not before the pain broke through her facade, a small gasp and shudder in her chest betraying the sobs she hid there.

Afterwards, he would see her around the castle and she would smile brightly, then turn and hurry away as if she had suddenly remembered something important that required her to be as far away from him as possible. He wondered if she hated him for leading her on, for accepting her advances and then breaking her heart without reason.  _No,_ he thought,  _I didn't break her heart. It was just a misplaced crush, she'll move on and find someone better._ Even still, all he could think about were the tears in her eyes, the false smiles, and the hopeless little sighs she gave when she thought no one was listening. He couldn't take it anymore, knowing he had caused her this pain. He had to at least give her an explanation.

He went over and over in his mind what he would say to her as he worked idly on his wood carvings. Finally, he decided to ask her to come to the Storm Coast with him. He needed to tell her  _there_ , where his life had changed the second time.  _I'll ask her tomorrow,_ he thought as he stared up at the stars from his makeshift bed, _but tonight I need to calm my nerves._ He had just slid down the ladder to retrieve a bottle of whiskey when he heard faint footsteps approaching in the darkness. He lifted his lantern and saw her purple irises looking up at him up, the elegant lines of her vallaslin almost glowing in the lamplight.

"My Lady...Inquisitor," he almost gasped, trying not to sound as nervous as was, "What are you doing here at this hour?"

"Blackwall...I..." she breathed, the syllables barely escaping her mouth as she stepped towards him. 

He put the lantern down on the table and took her hands in his. "Lady Lavellan," he started, almost unable to look at her, "Please forgive me for pushing you away. I only did so because I know I'm not worthy of you. I thought it would be easier this way, but now I see that I have hurt you, and for that I am truly sorry."

She looked up at him, smiling weakly, then stepped into him, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head against his chest. He inhaled sharply, her actions weakening his resolve. Did he really want to tell her the truth? He didn't want to hurt her any further, and revealing his past would certainly cause her pain. But she deserved to know the truth. That was the least he could give her. He wasn't sure if she'd want much else from him after that. 

"It's okay. I know you must have your reasons." She said into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, afraid that she might disappear if he didn't hold on to her. She tightened her arms around his waist in response, pressing her ear over his heart. He hoped she couldn't feel it practically beating out of his chest as he tilted his head down to smell her hair. _  
_

"Yes," he replied, "And you deserve a proper explanation for what I did. I need to take you somewhere--will you go with me? We can leave tomorrow. I promise I will explain everything then."

She pulled away from him slightly to look into his eyes, and for the first time in days she gave him a real smile. "Of course," she almost giggled, "Anything for you."

Blackwall smiled back, thinking for the first time that maybe, just maybe, she could accept him for what he truly was. Maybe they could truly have a life together, once this was all over. Or maybe he was just an old fool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah no smut yet because...background plot... 
> 
> This may end up being entirely way longer than the little smut scene I was imagining.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My re-working of the "Explanations" quest in the Blackwall romance story--how I thought it should have gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to update. I've been really sick lately and just haven't had the energy to write.

Their camp was only a few minutes' walk from the place he wanted to take her. As he led her up the hill, a light rain started to fall, the cool drops of water a stark contrast to the nervous heat that was rising in his blood. Once they reached the rocky overhang he turned around to face her, and as he stared into her deep plum-colored eyes, all the words he'd rehearsed flew from his mind. She smiled at him, understanding yet expectant. He opened his mouth to speak and the words just started tumbling out. 

"I came here once, with another Grey Warden," he started, "We came to investigate some darkspawn activity, but we were ambushed." 

He turned away from her, walking back towards the hill. He couldn't look at her, not now. He hadn't wanted it to be like this, to tell her the story he'd been trying to make himself believe for the past few years. 

He continued, "There were too many of them...I was surrounded, I couldn't fight them off. He died saving me." _At least that part wasn't a lie._  

She took a step towards him, placing her hand softly on his bicep. "I'm...I'm so sorry. That must have been so difficult for you..." She said quietly as she gently rubbed his arm. 

He pulled away from her. "His death...it changed me. It made me a different man."  _That was an understatement._  He stopped there, not wanting to continue the all too familiar story. He'd already done enough damage, and he wouldn't make it worse by elaborating on his lie. "Come on, let's go over here." He said, trying to lead her away from the overlook. When she didn't respond he turned to see her picking something shiny and metal up off the ground. She stood and cleaned it on her tunic, then held it out to him. He took it and, realizing what it was, his heart fell into his stomach.

"The Warden-Constable's badge..." he mused softly, a wave of emotions filling him. The name "Blackwall" glared up at him from the badge in his hand--his name, but not really. He sighed deeply, running his other hand through his hair.

She closed the space between them and took his hand in hers so that she could examine the badge. "You mean your badge." She stated matter-of-factly, but he could detect a hint of a question in her voice. 

He inhaled deeply through his nose, his thoughts moving too quickly for him to pin them down. This was his chance, his window to escape from the lie he'd been building. If he didn't take this opportunity, his lie would live with him forever. He took his hand away from hers, leaving the badge in her fingers. He clenched his fists at his sides and looked into her eyes. "No," he said, his voice shaking slightly as his nerves threatened to tie his tongue, "It belonged to the Warden I came here with. It must have fallen off when we were fighting. I should have buried it with him." 

He bit his lip as confusion spread across her beautiful face. She looked from him to the badge, then back at him. "No, this badge says Warden-Constable Blackwall. That's you. Blackwall." She said, a hint of frustration in her voice as she tried to make herself believe the words she was saying. The alternative was too difficult to imagine. 

"No." He said firmly, his voice full of shame but steady, unwavering, "Warden-Constable Blackwall is dead. He died four years ago on this very rock." He turned his gaze down to the ground. He heard her take a few steps away from him.

"If Warden Blackwall died four years ago..." she started, confusion turning to realization in her voice, "Then who are _you_?" 

He wasn't sure if he sensed fear or anger in her voice. Probably both. "My name is Thom Rainier." He sighed deeply. "I was a captain in the Orlesian army. I left the army after...after I did a terrible thing." He looked up from the ground to see her staring at him, confusion, anger, hurt and sorrow in her eyes. She stepped towards him cautiously.

"I met Warden-Constable Blackwall a few months after that, and he convinced me to join the Grey Wardens--to start over. We were traveling to the Warden stronghold in Val Chevin. We stopped by a Deep Roads entrance to collect some darkspawn blood for my Joining when we were ambushed. Blackwall--the  _real_ Blackwall--died saving me from the darkspawn. He was a hero."

He paused, taking a deep breath. The weight of his lies had started to lift from his chest; breathing came a bit easier now. Or it would have, were it not for his nerves. "I knew that no one would believe me if I told them what happened. I couldn't go to the Joining by myself, not without Blackwall to prove that he had truly recruited me. I was lost, confused, scared of the future. I decided to take Blackwall's name and do my best to live up to his legacy. He was a recruiter for the Wardens, working alone, and that suited me just fine. I spent the next few years in solitude, helping where I could. Until you found me."

He inhaled sharply through his nose. Thinking about her made his heart leap in his chest, and in the same instant the realization that she would probably hate him forever sank his heart into his stomach. 

Stepping towards him and looking up into his grey-blue eyes, her purple gaze pierced him through. He felt his breath catch in his throat, his eyes widened as he tried to discern the emotion on her features. She tried as hard as possible to steel herself, letting no feelings show through. She spoke clearly, her voice steady despite the whirlpool raging in her chest, "What did you do that made you leave the Orlesian army?"

He couldn't move. Her eyes were boring a hole into his own, driving a stake through his spine and rooting him to the spot. Her voice was so commanding, he had no choice but to answer her. "Six years ago I received a request from Ser Robert, an ally of Grand Duke Gaspard. He wanted me to kill one of Empress Celene's allies--Lord Callier." He spoke quickly, not even stopping to take a breath. If he paused, he would lose his courage and be unable to continue. "I told my soldiers they were going on an important mission. They were to attack Callier's caravan as he traveled. I told them to kill the whole party."

He finally inhaled, sharply, his breath catching in his throat as his chest shook. "I thought...it was just supposed to be Callier and his guards. I didn't know..." He tried to look away, to break the bewitching hold her gaze had on him. Her eyes were like arrows, shooting straight into his soul. He felt himself cower a little, shrinking down into himself, but still he couldn't take his eyes away from hers. "His family was traveling with him. My soldiers, they were just following orders. They killed the whole family. It wasn't their fault. If I had known..."

He watched as her eyes filled with the harsh understanding of his past. He saw the pain creep into her features, but still she held his gaze. "Gaspard of course denied any involvement and sentenced us all to death. So I ran. I ran and never looked back. When Warden Blackwall found me, I thought I had a chance to atone for my actions, to become a Grey Warden and give my life to saving others. But even that failed. I must be cursed." 

She reached her hand up to stroke his face, and he winced at the contact. She kept her hand there, gently running her fingers along his cheek and through his beard.  _I'm not deserving of her touch. I'm cursed, tainted, a poor excuse for a man._  

He continued, "When I met you, you stirred something inside me. You made me feel like I could be a better man, like I could live up to the name I had taken for myself. You make me feel like I could take down Corypheus with my bare hands. I would die to protect you. Maybe if I did...maybe then I would be worthy of you."

He saw the tears welling in her eyes and his heart broke into a million pieces. He couldn't live with the fact that he had hurt her. "I couldn't carry on any longer, letting you care for someone who was living a lie. I tried to push you away, but I knew in my heart that the only way to make this right was to tell you the truth. I love you, Chrys--I never lied about that. But now you see that I'm truly not worthy to stand by your side."

The tears spilled from her eyes and she turned away so that he wouldn't see her cry. She was angry, hurt, and confused. Her heart was threatening to rip out of her chest. She took in labored breaths, trying not to let out a sob in front of him. She bit her lip, holding back the wave of emotion that was about to crash over her. She managed to let out six words before running back towards camp, "We'll discuss this back at Skyhold." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CRAP. This is going to be way longer than I thought. I promise eventually there will be smut.
> 
> Note on timeline:  
> According to the Dragon Age Wiki, here are some dates of major events:  
> 9:35 Dragon--the murder of Lord Callier and his family  
> 9:37 Dragon--the last time the real Blackwall is seen at the Warden stronghold in Val Chevin  
> 9:41 Dragon--the explosion at the Conclave


	3. Chapter 3

Chrys paced back and forth in front of the war table as she waited for her advisors to arrive. She had barely set foot in Skyhold before she had called for an emergency meeting. She hadn't even bothered to change out of her traveling clothes. She stared at the table in front of her, covered in maps and markers of various shapes, each one symbolizing an operation she needed to complete. She sighed loudly, wondering if she'd ever get through all of them.

"What's the matter, Inquisitor?" a warm voice, full of concern asked from behind her. She felt a hand on her shoulder and gasped at the contact, turning to look at her advisor. Big amber eyes stared down at her, confused and worried.

"I'm sorry Cullen. I didn't hear you come in." He nodded, not taking his hand from her shoulder. "I'll wait until the others arrive before I tell you what's going on."

"Then you should start. We're both here." Leliana said as she stepped quickly into the room, followed shortly by Josephine who was dipping her quill in ink, ready to jot down whatever important news the Inquisitor had for them.

Chrys took a deep breath, and three sets of eyes stared at her expectantly. She stared down at her hands, knotting and loosening her fingers as she tried to find the right words. "Leliana, do you have the intel on Thom Rainier that I asked you for?" she asked, her voice shaking just a bit.

"Yes, here it is," Leliana said, handing over a piece of parchment. "We already had this in our records, so it was easy to locate the information. What did you need it for?"

"Did you read it?" Chrys asked, ignoring her question, and Leliana nodded. She looked to the other advisors--Josephine nodded and Cullen shook his head. She handed the paper to Cullen, giving him a minute to read it over. When he looked back up at her, she asked, "What sort of punishment would you give this man?"

The three advisors mulled the question over for a moment, and Chrys' heart threatened to rip out of her chest. Cullen spoke first, "Well it's not really my place to decide his punishment. He would need to be given a fair trial. He should be judged by the guard in Val Royeaux, since he was a soldier there when the crime occured." Chrys' heart lifted a little.

Leliana shook her head. "He should be executed, publicly, to serve as an example." She said coldly, her distaste for his crime evident in her voice. A knot started to form in Chrys' stomach. "However," Leliana continued, "I would first like to ask him how he managed to seemingly disappear without a trace."

Josephine made a clicking noise with her tongue in obvious disagreement with her fellow advisors. "There are members of the Callier family that are still living. I would let them determine his punishment. The family is still in high standing in Orlais, and it would be beneficial to earn their favor."

Chrys bit her lip as she considered the options her advisors had given her. Truth be told, she didn't like any of them. She couldn't bear it for Blackwall--Thom--to die. And she didn't want to leave his fate in the hands of others, either, even though they had more of a right to his judgment than she did.

"Inquisitor?" Leliana asked loudly, obviously not the first time she had tried to get Chrys' attention. "What is the meaning of this? Why are you concerned about this Thom Rainier and what type of punishment we would recommend for him?"

Before she had a chance to think, the words tumbled out of her mouth, "Because Warden Blackwall is actually Thom Rainier. He confessed this to me on our trip to the Storm Coast." Josephine let out a small gasp. Cullen clenched his jaw, his features tightening. Leliana narrowed her eyes, obviously angry that her spies had not caught on to this.

"Are you sure?" Josephine asked, her voice uneasy. Chrys nodded, and proceeded to explain what Blackwall--Thom--had told her.

"Well," Leliana started, "It seems we have three options. We can send him to Val Royeaux to be judged and sentenced, we can pass judgement ourselves with the power of the Inquisition behind us, or we can simply pretend that this information never came to light. The choice is yours, Inquisitor."

"What happened to hanging him? Making an example of him?" Chrys asked incredulously. 

Leliana shook her head. "The situation is much more complicated now. We know that Thom Rainier did not kill this family in cold blood. We know that he tried to atone for his actions by defending the people as a Grey Warden." She paused, a hint of a smile shining in her eyes. "And we know that our Inquisitor has certain...feelings...for him." Chrys blushed and looked down at her hands. "He has proven himself to be a valuable member of the Inquisition, and he has told you the truth of his own volition. I think it only fitting that you be the one to decide his fate."

Cullen and Josephine nodded in agreement. Chrys' heart soared. "Thank you." She said in earnest, gratitude glowing from her features. "I will judge Thom Rainier privately here at Skyhold. Only my advisors and companions may attend. Word of this is not to leave this room." Her advisors nodded their understanding. "Please make the preparations at once."

\-----

It was surprising how quiet the Main Hall was without all the courtiers and guests and various residents of Skyhold mulling around. As Chrys walked from her chambers to the throne, the heels of her boots clicked loudly on the stone floor, echoing in the silent hall. She had dressed for this occasion, wearing the low-cut purple velvet dress and high heeled boots that went up to her knees that Vivienne had bought for her. She shivered as the cool air in the giant hall grazed her bare shoulders.

On either side of the hall stood her companions, all looking at her with varying degrees of confusion on their faces. Next to the throne stood her advisors, who nodded at her as she approached. She stood for a moment in front of the throne, and Josephine announced, "I present Her Worship, the Herald of Andraste, Inquisitor Chrysalis Levellan." Her friends bowed their heads in respect as she took her seat on the throne. Her hands clasped the armrests tightly, the intricately carved wood digging into her palms as she tried to calm herself.

"To be judged this day, for ordering the men under his command to murder Lord Callier, and for impersonating a Grey Warden, the Inquisition calls Captain Thom Rainier, known to us as Warden-Constable Blackwall." Stated Josephine, her voice uneasy. 

Thom stepped forward from where he was standing, walking towards the throne until he knelt a few short feet in front of Chrys. She saw the looks of shock on many of her companions faces--a few of them even gasped. Sera clapped her hands together and smirked, mouthing, "I knew it!" Cole mumbled something to himself about guilt. Solas glared, first at Thom, then at Chrys. Dorian twirled his mustache.

She stared down into Thom's grey-blue eyes expecting to see hurt and confusion. Instead, she saw intense guilt, and acceptance. He was ready to pay for his crimes, and would take any punishment Chrys thought fit to give him. She cleared her throat, trying to sound official.

"Thom Rainier," she started, and he winced a little as his real name rolled off her tongue. "We know that you were under orders from Ser Robert to murder Lord Callier. You instructed your men to kill him while he was traveling, expecting him to travel with only a few guards. Instead, he was with his family, and your men murdered them all. Rather than face your judgement in Val Royeaux, you ran. You made the acquaintance of Warden-Constable Blackwall, and were conscripted to join the Grey Wardens. On the way to your Joining, you were ambushed by darkspawn and Warden-Constable Blackwall was killed. You took this opportunity to start over, and took the identity of Warden Blackwall upon yourself. You traveled alone, helping others until we recruited you to join the Inquisition. You have served the Inquisition with loyalty and bravery, and confessed your crimes openly without solicitation. What do you have to say about your crimes?"

"You have said everything there is to say, My Lady," Thom said quietly, his eyes on his hands, "I deserve the noose for what I've done. I let my men take the fall for my mistake and I ran. I lied about who I was to try and make myself into a better man." He paused. "I lied...to the woman I love." Chrys' heart lept to her throat. "I don't deserve any mercy. I am ready to die for my crimes." He bowed his head to her, defeated. 

All eyes were on Chrys. She tried to swallow, but found her mouth unbearably dry. She tried to speak, but her voice kept catching in her throat. Josephine quickly stepped over to her and handed her a goblet of water, to which she mouthed her thanks. She stood up and walked towards Thom. 

"Captain Rainier," she began, "Thom," she whispered so only he could hear. His gaze lifted to her, searching her features. He knew what he deserved, and he would happily take it, but the selfish part of him wished that she would decide otherwise. He hoped beyond hope that she would allow him to live, with her, to love her and serve her as long as he lived.

"In light of your penitence, your desire to atone for your actions, and your service to the Inquisition, I cannot in good conscience sentence you to death. Whatever man you were back then, you have become a great one. However, your crimes shall not go unpunished." She took a deep breath, steadying herself. "As punishment for your crimes, I order you to give your life to the Inquisition. Continue to serve the Inquisition and fight alongside me for the rest of your life."

Chrys searched his eyes for approval. He was a tornado of emotions. He would have been a liar if he said his relief hadn't outweighed his guilt at such a light sentence. What did she mean, fight alongside her for the rest of his life? Did she still care for him? After all he'd done? He had to know.

"My Lady," Thom implored her, "Chrys." He stood and took a step towards her so that they were only inches apart.

Sensing his question, she whispered in his ear, "Meet me in my quarters tonight." She took a step back from him and asked loudly, "Thom Rainier, do you accept your punishment willingly?" 

He answered, "I will do everything in my power to serve you and the Inquisition until the Maker sees fit to end my life."

Contentment bubbled up in her chest. She could live with that.

"Then it is settled," said Josephine as she stepped forward. "Thank you all for your time. You are excused." Her companions and advisors slowly walked back to the their usual stations, some whispering excitedly between themselves. Thom gave Chrys one last look before walking out of the hall and back to the barn. The guests and courtiers slowly filed back into the hall, and it was once again full of noise and life. Chrys stood there for a moment, watching Thom's back until he disappeared down the castle steps. Then she, too, turned and headed towards her chambers. She had to prepare for tonight.


	4. Chapter 4

Chrys closed the door to her quarters and leaned her back against it, seeking its support as she let out a heavy sigh. She closed her eyes and tried to take slow, steady breaths, but they were quick and ragged as she fought against her emotions. She didn't know it would be that hard to face him, in front of everyone, much less deliver judgement upon him. She could tell how most of her companions felt about her decision--and for the most part, they were approving. Her advisors had even nodded their agreement. But if she had done the right thing, why did she still feel like someone was squeezing her heart inside her chest? 

She tried to think about what was bothering her. Yes, he had done something terrible under the influence of his superiors. Yes, he had run away instead of facing the consequences. She had accepted those facts--they didn't bother her. He had tried to make himself a better person. He lied about who he was to protect himself. Yes, he had confessed everything to her, but only after he had pushed her away. Only after he had let her fall in love with him. He had lied, to _her_. He hid his true self, from _her_. What he told the rest of the world didn't matter. From the moment they met until his confession just a few days ago, he had been lying about everything to her.

The tightness in her chest turned into a herd of halla stamping on her heart. She let out a desperate sob as she slid down to the floor. The tears came freely now, her breaths turned to gasping sobs as she clenched her hands into fists and beat them pitifully against the floor. He had lied to her. She loved him...more than she thought she had. She thought he had loved her too. But he lied. Even after her feelings for him had been laid bare, he continued to lie to her. Why? So that he could bewitch her into going to bed with him? So he could revel in knowing he had fooled the Inquisitor, the famous Herald of Andraste? Her thoughts tumbled out of control and even though she knew she was being irrational, she couldn't stop them. 

If he had told her the truth when they first met, would she have still fallen in love with him? Would she have forgiven him, or sentenced him to death? He had captivated her from the moment she laid eyes on him. His broad, strong chest and shoulders, his long but well-kempt beard, his rough calloused hands, his piercing grey-blue eyes. She had pursued him from the moment they met.  _But he pushed me away,_ she thought.  _He tried to save me from this pain. He tried to skirt my affections at every turn but I persisted._ She took a deep breath as her sobs slowed and she began to regain control of herself.

She was still crying softly when she got up off the ground and went into her washroom. She filled the giant tub with warm water, pouring in some fragrant oils Solas had given her. One of them was supposed to relax her body and calm her mind so that she could focus, the other to soothe her muscles and warm her after a long day of fighting, but the spicy-sweet smell of them combined was comforting and somewhat intoxicating. She stepped into the tub and eased herself into the warm water, her tears finally stopping as she inhaled the fragrant steam from the bath. She slipped down in the soothing water until only her face was exposed, allowing her to breathe as she leaned back in the tub.

Her thoughts drifted lazily, the warmth and heavy scent from the water muddling her head. She thought about the first time she had taken a bath, in this very tub, and how she had ever seemed to live without it before. Were it not for her duties, she could spend all day in here. Maybe she would...just this once. But no, she had something important to do. She needed to...what did she need to do? Her mind was a haze, her limbs becoming impossibly heavy. She couldn't keep her eyelids open any longer. She was just...so...exhausted. Whatever she needed to do, it could wait...

\-----

"Chrys?" Thom called nervously through the door, "Are you there?" He knocked again, louder this time. Finally, he heard stirring from the next room. "Inquisitor?" he tried again, "It's me, Blackw---Thom." He corrected himself, still unused to the way his real name sounded after three years of not using it.

He heard drawers opening and closing quickly, then, "Just a minute!" she called, sounding rushed. Had he come too early? It was already a few hours after sunset, and the servants informed him that Chrys had been in her quarters since his judgement. His stomach rolled--maybe she was preparing some sort of complicated torture for him? He was about to change his mind and walk away when he heard, "You may come in." from behind the door. 

He opened the door slowly, not sure what to expect. He climbed the stairs to Chrys' room and found her standing in the middle of the room, arms crossed in front of her chest and a look of displeasure on her face.  _Maker, this isn't going to be good._  Thom walked over to her, standing a few feet in front of her. She didn't speak or move. Her hair was wet, dripping on her thin tunic as it curled in gentle waves over her shoulders and down her back. He took another step towards her and was immediately enthralled by her smell. The few times they had kissed he had smelled her, and though she smelled wonderful it was nothing compared to this new scent. She smelled sweet and spicy and intoxicating, the heat of her fragrance coating his nose and lungs and warming him all the way down to his toes. He felt himself harden slightly, the urge to press himself against her and taste her skin almost overwhelming him. She parted her lips slightly, as if she was about to speak, but only a small exhale came out. 

After what seemed like an age of just staring at each other, Chrys closed the distance between them. They were inches apart, now, and the proximity of her body coupled with her heady scent threatened to drive him wild. She started up at him, her lips still parted, her violet eyes betraying her emotions. He could tell she was focusing hard, trying to make the words come out of her mouth. He saw tears start to form in her eyes and she whispered, her voice breaking, "Why did you lie to me?" The tears spilled from her eyes but she still held his gaze, searching his face for the answer to her question. His heart broke into a million pieces. 

Maker, this was so much worse than her being angry with him. He had expected anger, prepared for it. He was ready for her to yell and punch and kick and even make him lick her boots, but he could not handle this. "My Lady," he started, unable to call her by her name, "When I met you, I had no idea that I...that we...that you would take an interest in me."

He gulped, remembering the way she had flirted with him, how it had felt to receive attention from a young, gorgeous, strong woman. He hadn't thought she was serious about it, just a bit of fun to pass the time. That's what young women did, right? Delighted in causing older men to fall for them, then leaving them alone and frustrated? "When I realized that you had...started to develop feelings for me," he paused, blushing, "I didn't know what to do. I tried to stop it. I tried pushing you away but...well, you know how that ended." He sighed, his eyes still on hers, tears still falling slowly down her cheeks. He took his thumbs and lightly brushed the tears away, and she closed her eyes, leaning into his touch.

"If I had known that we would end up together, I never would have lied to you. I care about you Chrys, deeply. I'm in love with you." he said quietly, and she opened her eyes to look at him once more. "I tried to make it right by telling you the truth, but it was already too late." She pulled his hands down from her face and laced her fingers into his. Her hands felt tiny and fragile in his, and he held them gently, afraid they might break in his grasp.

He stared down at her, confusion clouding his features as he asked, "Why did you spare me? Why not send me to Val Royeaux to face judgement, or sentence me to death as I deserve?" She gripped his hands more tightly in hers.

"You don't deserve to die." she said firmly. Then, looking down at their intertwined hands she said softly, "Even if you did, I couldn't live without you."

Thom took one of his hands from hers and lifted her chin up so she was facing him again. "Oh, Chrys," he said softly, guilt thinning his voice, "I couldn't live without you either. I know I don't deserve it, and I don't expect you to, but please, forgive me. I never meant to lie to you or hurt you. I will do whatever I can to make it up to you, even if it takes the rest of my life."

A small smile spread over her lips. She trailed her index finger softly up his stomach to his chest, and said playfully, "I don't think it will take _quite_ that long."  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO CLOSE to the smut. I would have written it here but I'm tired and I just want to post this.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in FOREVER. I've been sick off and on for like a month and just really really busy at work and tired and yeah. 
> 
> Plus...not gonna lie...I've been really nervous and kind of avoiding writing this? Even though I've written smut before I wanted to make sure I do these two justice. Which I don't know if I really did. Oh well.

"My Lady," Thom started, "What can I do to make it up to you?" his eyes looking down at her in earnest.

Chrys sighed. "First of all," she said, a hint of annoyance in her tone, "you can stop with all of this formality and guilt. You know I hate it when you call me 'my lady', and though it's true that you lied to me and hurt me more than anyone ever has, you don't get to wallow in self-pity and guilt. Do you understand?"

Thom nodded, avoiding the urge to cower and standing taller instead. "Good," she continued as she began to close what little distance there was between them, "Now instead of moping about and asking me how you can make it up to me, I want you to SHOW me how you'll make it up to me." A playful smile toyed across her lips, her eyes showing the slightest hint of a twinkle. 

Thom's heart began to thump in his chest at her words. Did she really mean what he thought she meant? _Andraste preserve me._ He took a deep breath and instead of calming him, his lungs filled with the scent of her perfumed skin and hair and his blood burned like fire in his veins. He looked down at her, his eyes taking in the shimmer of her violet irises, the graceful lines of her vallaslin, her full bottom lip as she slowly dragged her teeth across it. All sense and decorum left him and he gripped her waist forcefully, pulling her close and lifting her up to his height.

She let out at small shocked squeak at the suddenness of his actions, her eyes going wide for a second before closing as his lips pressed deeply into hers. They both moaned into the kiss, appreciating the new sensation as their lips parted and their tongues sought each other out. Yes, they had kissed before, stolen moments in his barn at Skyhold or at camp when no one was looking, but those had been soft, sweet, almost unsure. There was nothing unsure about this kiss. Nothing soft about it either, and though they tasted like candy on each other's tongues the kiss itself was hardly sweet.

Thom took Chrys' bottom lip in his teeth, nipping at it just enough to elicit a small whimper from her. He pulled back to examine her face, to make sure he wasn't hurting her. She looked back at him, pupils wide, lips wet and reddened from their kiss, her features frozen in a daze. When her thoughts finally returned, she blinked and the spell was broken, a look of confusion spreading over her face. "Why did you stop?" she asked softly, pushing her bottom lip out in a pout.

 _Maker, she looks so innocent when she does that._ Thom thought, unable to deny how much the idea aroused him. And it was true, she  _was_  innocent.  _Andraste's tits, she's barely old enough to buy a pint at the tavern. She probably still has her maidenhead._ His cock twitched against his trousers at the thought, and his cheeks flushed in aroused shame. He unintentionally switched back to his remorseful side. "I'm sorry," he apologized, pulling himself away from her and staring at the ground, "I shouldn't have been so forceful with you. It was disrespectful." He said quietly, aware that she was scrutinizing his every word. What he wanted to say was, "I shouldn't have pushed myself onto you--I know a beautiful young girl like you wouldn't want to be with an ugly old man like me."

Thom turned to walk away when he felt a slender hand catch his wrist. Chrys pulled him back to face her and he kept his gaze low, afraid to look at her. She grabbed his chin with her other hand and pulled his head up forcefully to look at her. The pained look on his face made her chest tighten. Her voice was assertive but gentle when she spoke. "Thom, I told you to show me how you would make it up to me." A slight smile lifted her cheeks, exposing her tiny dimples. "I was letting you do that. Besides," she paused, her small smile turning into a grin, "I could have stopped you if I wanted to."

Thom's smile lifted to match hers. "I'm sorry Chrys," he started, though the guilt and self-loathing was gone from his voice, "Sometimes I forget just how strong you are." The grin dissolved from her face, and in its stead her expression turned dark, intense. She stood up on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself towards his face and hovering her lips a hair's breadth from his. Her lips were parted and he could smell her breath as it ghosted over his mouth, through his beard. Sweet and spicy, like cinnamon. His breath caught in his throat as he looked into her eyes, the usually bright violet irises almost completely blacked out by her pupils. The little light that shone from them was like lightning, white-hot with a purple tint, and it made his blood boil.

Thom pressed his lips to Chrys', a low growl rumbling in his throat. He grabbed her by the hips and pulled her flush against him, and she gasped as his hardness dug into her through the fabric of their clothes. He moved his lips almost violently against hers, the hair from his beard tickling her skin. He slowed for a moment, trailing his tongue against her lips and tasting her moan as she parted them. She moved her tongue to meet his, then ran her teeth gently down the length of his tongue, making him shudder. She pushed his tongue back with her own, then took his lower lip in her teeth and pulled lightly, slowly increasing the force until he groaned. 

Unable to take any more, Thom moved his hands around to Chrys' backside and lifted her off the ground, carrying her to the bed and throwing her down before climbing on top of her. He knelt over her for a second, admiring the view of her helpless and wanting underneath him. He brought his lips down to her ear, taking the pointed tip into his mouth and sucking gently. She mewled and turned her head to the side, away from his lips. He took advantage of the easy access this provided to her neck and trailed his lips softly from her ear down her jawline, increasing the pressure as he went. When he reached the pulse point on her long, slender neck he bit down, wrapping his teeth around her artery. He could taste the way her already-quickened heartbeat thundered beneath his tongue as he increased the pressure of the bite. She let out a breathy moan, followed by a hiss as she inhaled sharply.

He released his teeth from her skin as his tongue laved the sting away, his mouth moving down her neck to her collarbone. He took her skin into his mouth and sucked, leaving large love marks all along her collarbone until he reached the top of her tunic. She held her breath as he started undoing the delicate clasps holding the garment together. Thom paused, looking down at her for approval. She nodded, though her expression was nervous. He went slower, savoring the thin line of skin that was revealed inch by inch as each clasp came undone. When he finally reached the last one, he tentatively hooked his finger underneath the silky fabric, looking to Chrys again for permission. She sucked in her lips, turning them under and pressing them into her mouth, apprehension written all over her features. She nodded again, then inhaled shakily through her nose.

Carefully, his movements almost painstakingly slow, Thom pulled one side of the tunic from her skin, then the other. She sat up slightly and he slid her arms from the garment and tossed it to the side. He stared at her as she lied back down, her upper body now exposed to him. His eyes raked over her skin, pale and silky like fresh cream, his gaze finally landing on her breasts. They were smooth and round, creamier than the rest of her body and surprisingly large for an elf. They rose up and down with her quickened breaths, her tiny nipples pointing upward, pink and tight like miniature rosebuds. He suddenly realized she hadn't been wearing a breast band. 

"Maker's breath..." he sighed, amazed by the beautiful creature in front of him.

"Am I...is it okay? Do you like it?" Chrys asked apprehensively.

"Maker, yes, of course!" he said quickly, surprised that she could even ask such a question. "You're the most perfect, beautiful thing I've ever seen. Do you really not know how breathtaking you are?" 

She blushed, covering her smile with her hand and shaking her head sheepishly. Gently, as if to show her how amazing her body was to him, he ran his fingers along her collarbone, barely skimming the areas that he had marked with his mouth. He almost regretted those marks now, as they marred the perfection of her porcelain skin. Almost. His fingers slid down to her sides, tracing her ribcage and making her arch her back into his touch as she let out a breathy sigh. His fingers dipped into the sides of her waist, then back out to her wide, luscious hips. He brought them in towards the center of her body, hovering just above the top of her tights. 

He hooked his thumbs under the waistband of her tights, watching her expression with bated breath. She responded by biting her lip, her eyes closing softly as she took a deep breath through her nose. Slowly, gently, he began to pull her tights down. He had only gotten them down a couple of inches, barely exposing the top of her smallclothes when she suddenly sat up, placing her hands over his and stopping his progress.

"Wait," she breathed nervously, her chest rising and falling quickly. He could feel her pulse pounding against his skin. 

"What is it?" Thom asked, his voice full of concern. He tried to lift his hands from her hips but she held them down. She lifted her head to look into his eyes. 

"I..." she started, unable to find her voice for a moment. His gaze was warm and loving as he looked at her, and she continued. "I've never...been...with a man before." She blushed, turning her face away from him in embarrassment. "You must think I'm such a fool." she said dejectedly. 

"Oh darling," he started, bringing his hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. He let his fingers linger there, gently stroking her cheek. "Of course I don't think you're a fool. Why would I? There's no reason to be ashamed of that my love. Why didn't you tell me sooner?" 

She looked back up at him, her eyes wide like a doe's. "I...I thought you wouldn't want me if you knew." 

He had to take a deep breath to stop himself from laughing. Instead, he smiled at her, compassion radiating from his features. "Nothing could be farther from the truth. My sweet Chrys...I love you, more than anything. There's nothing that could change that or make me not want you." She smiled, letting out a deep breath she didn't know she was holding in. "I do have to ask though..." he said cautiously, hoping his question wouldn't upset her, "How far have you gone...with a man...before?" She bit her lip. "Or...woman? I don't know what your preferences are..." he added bashfully. 

She giggled at his inference, then averted her gaze from him. "I've never actually...done anything...with a man...before you." She admitted reluctantly. "Or a woman!" She added quickly. 

He inhaled deeply through his nose. The reality and the...possibilities...of her confession left him feeling conflicted. He was a bit shocked, first of all. Had he not just been fantasizing about this very thing? Sure, he had known it was a possibility, with her youth and her being brought up as the First to the Keeper in her clan...but to have never been with another man before him? It almost seemed to good to be true. And more than he deserved. 

"So...you had never even kissed anyone else before me?" He asked, almost incredulous. She shook her head. "Maker..." he sighed. "Chrys...Is this really what you want? To be with me? I don't want to ruin your first time being with a man. Would you not rather be with someone...closer to your level of experience?" Of course he meant someone  _younger_ , but he didn't want to admit it out loud. It was almost too much to hope that she would want to lose her maidenhead to him, a man twice her age whose body had seen better days. He bit his lip. 

She wrapped her hand around his neck and brought him close to her, pressing her lips softly to his. She pulled away slowly, resting her forehead against his own. "Thom, as much as you try not to believe it, I love you. And there is no one that I could ever want more than you. When we kiss, and you touch me...I feel...I  _ache_ inside, like I  _need_ you." She blushed ferociously and he felt himself grow incredibly hard. 

"Chrys," he almost whispered, his breath hot and quick against her lips, "I want you...more than anything. Are you sure you're ready?" He breathed, trying to hold himself together. 

"Yes," she replied, her voice just as breathy, her lips quivering, "Take me. I'm yours."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeahhhhhh I wanted to get this posted as it's been in my drafts for like 3 weeks and I've just been slowly adding to it, so HERE, take it and I'll be back with more soon.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Sweats*

_"Take me. I'm yours."_

As soon as the words escaped Chrys' lips, Thom's lips were on hers, hard and rough and needy. She moaned into his mouth as she reached up to undo his quilted coat, her desire for him quickly eclipsing any apprehension she had had. She struggled, fumbling with the fastenings as Thom continued to ravage her lips and tongue with his own. She whined, frustrated, and he sat up quickly and ripped the coat open, scattering the clasps across the hard floor. He slid the coat off and threw it onto the couch, to be followed shortly by his undershirt. 

Chrys stared up at him, her wide eyes roving over the taut skin and hard lines of his body.

"I hope the lady enjoys what she sees." His tone was playful but the slight shaking of his voice and the blush on his cheeks exposed his insecurity.

She reached up, placing her hands behind his neck and pulling him down towards her. She ran her hands along his shoulders, down to his strong arms, the muscles flexing as he held himself up over her body. She slid her hands over his chest, feeling his heart beating wildly beneath hot, sweaty skin. She pressed her fingers into his flesh, feeling a surprising amount of resistance as the pads of her fingers met with the firm fibers of his muscles. He stayed perfectly still as her fingers glided down his stomach, stopping just short of the waistband of his leathers.

"The lady loves what she sees," she replied, her voice deliciously low, "You're perfect."

It was true--she adored him no matter what, but she had no idea he was hiding a body like  _that_ underneath his thick, shapeless clothes.

"I could say the same about you, my love." Thom whispered huskily, lowering his head to place fervent kisses along her jaw.

He moved quickly, his tongue slipping between parted lips to tease her flesh. She moaned softly as he brought his lips down her neck and across her collarbone. He noticed her breathing stop as he kissed along her sternum, his beard tickling the sides of her breasts. He pulled back a little and saw her breasts bounce ever so slightly with each thundering beat of her heart. Slowly, he brought his lips back down to her chest, giving her ample opportunity to stop him. She didn't. He placed a gentle kiss on the side of her breast, then another, and another, until his lips came to rest around the pink pearl of her nipple. She shuddered, releasing the breath she had been holding with a forceful sigh. He swirled his tongue around her as he took her firm peak into his mouth, suckling gently. She moaned and arched her spine, pushing herself up into him as she gripped the small of his back.

He moved his mouth to her other breast, his fingers taking over where his tongue had just been. He ran his fingers over her nipple and she winced, pushing his hand away. He stopped and looked up at her. She was panting, her eyes half open and her hair a curled mess around her head.

"It's too sensitive...with your fingers." she whispered. She placed her hand on the back of his neck and pulled him back down to her breast. "But your mouth...is...ahhhhhh" she moaned as he began to lick and suckle her again.

His hand now without a purpose, he slid his fingers down her stomach, catching her waistband again. He paused, and she lifted her hips in response, allowing him to pull the tights down her legs. She kicked them off and he dipped his fingers into her smalls, feeling the soft patch of curls hidden there. He slid his fingers lower, lightly grazing her folds, groaning as he felt how hot and wet she was for him. 

Chrys mewled as his fingers explored her, and he brought his mouth up to hers to capture her in a needy kiss. His fingers became more insistent, parting her and rubbing small circles against her clit, the sensitive bead swelling and throbbing under his touch. She bucked her hips up into his hand and he responded by driving a finger into her core, causing her to yelp in surprised pleasure. He cursed, feeling how wet and tight she was around his finger, and knowing he wouldn't last long when he was finally inside her. He curved his finger to rub against her front wall and his lips caught her cries, her body starting to shake beneath him. She pulled away from the kiss, her head rolling from side to side and her eyes squeezed shut.

"Thom!" she cried out as he quickened his pace, feeling her begin to tighten around his finger. He was barely able to slip another finger in and she whined at the sudden fullness.

Any objections were lost when he hooked both fingers inside her, rubbing quickly against her sensitive spot. She brought her hand up to her mouth and bit into it, her hips seeming to levitate as he drew her closer to orgasm. She moaned loudly, her brow furrowing as she tried to pull away from him, the pleasure overwhelming her. He sat back on his knees so that he could hold her down with his other hand, never ceasing his motions inside her. He brought his thumb up to rub against her juicy little pearl and she cried out, practically sobbing as he began rubbing quick circles against her. She let out one final cry as her body shuddered and he felt her contract around his fingers, the sensation causing him to moan. He kept the same pace with his fingers as her body continued to convulse, and only stopped when she finally stilled beneath him. She was a sweaty, panting mess and his cock ached at the knowledge that he had made her come undone like this.

"Thom..." she sighed, a smile spreading across her lips as she looked up at him.

"Yes, My Lady? Did you enjoy that, love?" he asked her sweetly, brushing a few stray strands of hair away from her face.

She nodded. "Oh Maker, yes!" she replied with as much enthusiasm as her disheveled state could muster.

He chuckled, then pressed his lips softly to her forehead. "Chrys, we don't have to do anything else if you don't want to," he said quietly. "I want you to be comfortable, so we can take this as slow as you want." 

She shook her head emphatically, her eyes wide and pupils blown. She whispered, "I want to feel you inside me," then drew her mouth up to his in a slow, languid kiss.

She brushed her open lips softly lightly against his, teasing and tender all at once. He wanted to deepen the kiss, to claim her with his mouth, but he let her set the pace, tortuous as it was. She ran her tongue slowly along the outline of his lips, earning a deep sigh from him. He was going to lose his mind if she didn't give him more soon. She placed a few feather-light kisses at the corners of his mouth, his moustache tickling her lips. She pulled back, staring into his stormy eyes. She could see his desire burning there, mixed with a cloud of apprehension and a single word:  _Please_. She was all to happy to oblige. 

She crushed her lips against his and the moan that escaped him vibrated against her mouth. As their tongues sought purchase against each other, she brought her hands down to the laces of his trousers. She had them untied in less than a minute and began pulling them down his legs, taking his smalls off along with them. When she couldn't reach with her hands any longer, she carefully brought her foot between his legs to push the leather garment down the rest of the way. Never ceasing their kiss, he lifted his legs up one at a time so she could slide them off him. 

Now that he was finally naked in front of her, she pulled away from their kiss to look at him. His legs were strong and powerful, covered with a fine layer of brown hair. At their apex stood his desire, hard and throbbing for her, and she gasped at how large it was. 

"Maker..." she swore. She reached up to wrap her hand around him and he hissed at the pleasure. She licked her lips, feeling just how hard he was and imagining how it would feel when he was filling her. 

She stroked him slowly, her grip adjusting based on the the quickness of his breathing. While she was torturing him with her unhurried movements, her other hand reached down into her smalls to touch herself. She sighed as she slipped a finger, then another, inside her dripping heat, matching the speed with which she stroked him. He looked down at her, mouth open wide and eyes fluttering with her pleasure and he growled from deep in his throat. 

"Fuck Chrys...I need you," he said gruffly, his voice a full octave lower than usual and thick with his lust for her. He grabbed her thighs and pulled her closer to him, then ripped her smallclothes off so quickly they left red marks on her skin. 

She stared up at him as he situated himself between her legs, her breathing hard and fast. Her expression was a mix of apprehension and pure desire, and he gave her an inquiring look as he brushed his cock against her entrance. She whimpered and nodded.

Slowly, carefully, he guided himself into her. He bit back a moan as he felt how tight she was, his length slowly being devoured by her wet heat. He surveyed her face for signs of pain or discomfort and chuckled when he realized she too was biting back a moan, though less successfully than he was. When he was finally fully inside her he swore loudly, his mind going blank for a moment as he was overwhelmed by pleasure. She whined, her teeth still biting her lip and her eyes squeezed shut.

"Are you okay my love?" Thom asked her when he had regained a fraction of his composure. 

"You're so big..." she replied in amazement, her voice sounding almost child-like, "You fill me up so completely...it feels sooo good." 

He pulled almost all the way out and thrust back inside her, a little faster this time. She moaned loudly. He continued to thrust in and out of her dripping core, her moans and noises gradually growing in volume to match his increasing speed. He closed his eyes, wanting to savor this moment, to capture it in his memory in case it was just a dream. He had never felt anything so good in his life.

Sure, Thom had been with plenty of women before. Bored Orlesian noblewomen and lonely farmer's wives, mostly. While those experiences had all been pleasurable, those women had been like a drop of honey and Chrys was an entire ten layer cake. He licked his lips, imagining how sweet she must taste and suddenly wishing he had taken her with his mouth. There would be time for that later, he told himself. 

He felt her wrap her legs around him, tilting her hips up and allowing him to fill her even deeper. He opened his eyes to look down at her, his sweet Chrys whining and moaning as he made love to her. He gazed at her breasts, bouncing up and down as she pulled herself up to meet his thrusts. He took in her perfect pink mouth, agape with the sounds of her desire tumbling from her lips. He noted her eyes, half closed and black with lust. He brought his gaze up to admire her messy hair, surrounding her head in a tangled crown. She was absolutely perfect. 

"I love you, my princess." he whispered. 

She tried to find the words to reply, but the new position had pushed her over the edge and she was falling, hot electricity pulsing through her nerves as she came. She cried out with her release, her body shaking and her walls clenching around him. He thrust faster, drawing out her orgasm as he neared his own. She mewled as her body stopped shaking and he drove into her even more erratically, finally spilling inside of her as he moaned her name. 

He pulled out of her slowly, both of them gasping at the sudden loss of each other. She looked up at him, the desire in her eyes replaced with a soft warmth, her irises returning to their normal violet hue. She brought her hand up to stroke his cheek, her fingers tangling gently in his beard. 

"I love you too, my king," she said softly. She pulled him down to lie next to her and snuggled up to him, laying her head on his chest.

He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, placing gentle kisses on the top of her head. "So did I make it up to you, princess?" he asked.

He felt her smile against his skin. "It's a start."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't proofread this towards the end because I just wanted to post it so there might be typos...I'll fix it later.
> 
> I don't know what comes next or if this is it...hmmm. Ideas?


End file.
